It's hard to fathom Tiger Woods, of all people, created a total sausage-fest. 

Three weeks into the Woods and Rory McIlroy indoor simulator golf experience — the TGL — it is crystal clear that the league is a total mess and needs a Red Bull vodka at the turn. It needs a jolt of energy.

From the ESPN production being a mess to the lack of women anywhere near the production, Tiger invented a golf league that lacks a compelling reason to watch longer than 10 minutes, if that. 

Tiger Woods can save the TGL by bringing in Paige Spiranac, right, and other Instagram golf influencers to play on teams to add a shot of energy to a product that is rather dull. He also needs to hire former Golf Channel sideline reporter Alexandra O'Laughlin (inset) to handle player interviews. (Photo by Megan Briggs/TGL/TGL via Getty Images)

Last night was my first experience with the TGL. It was Atlanta vs. New York. Not that it mattered. Justin Thomas was on the Atlanta team. Rickie Fowler was on New York. Atlanta won 4-0. Again, not that it matters. 

The show was flat out boring. ESPN has SportsCenter host Matt Barrie working as the lead anchor. He doesn't have a color analyst. Instead, executives thought it would be best to make Florida-Georgia Line Marty Smith the sideline reporter. 

It's a disaster. 

What makes us watch TV? 

This is as easy as it gets: Compelling characters and storylines. We need villains. We need people to root for. We need conflict. We need to see people we'll never become.

TGL is nothing more than golf pros playing simulator golf with Florida-Georgia boy asking them a few questions here and there. We don't even get a beer cart girl pulling up to shoot the shit with the fellas and slap down five Fireball shots on the side of her cart. 

Four for the guys, one for her.  

Instead, the viewer sits there watching Rickie Fowler — HE'S NOT WEARING ANY ORANGE…THEY SANITIZED RICKIE — hit golf balls in what looks like a pole barn on an Iowa farm. 

At one point Tuesday night, Florida-Georgia Line boy goes into the crowd to conduct an interview. He finds the Auburn University men's golf team and that leads to some small-talk followed by FL-GA Marty Smith telling the guys that they were going to yell, "War Damn Eagle" on the count of three as Justin Thomas, who played at Alabama, hit a golf ball. 

They yell, and then Matt Barrie notes that they did so in Patrick Cantlay's backswing. 

Oops. 

The recipe for Tiger Woods to save his fledgling indoor golf simulator league

First, I can't believe Tiger's trusted associates let him take a golf show to ESPN without any women on the broadcast. It's absolute malpractice by whomever made that decision. This isn't some sort of DEI woke stance I'm taking here. 

THERE NEEDS TO BE SOMETHING FOR GUYS TO LOOK AT DURING THIS SHOW, DAMMIT. THIS ISN'T REAL GOLF…IT'S A TV SHOW…WHY ARE WE TRYING TO MAKE THIS REAL GOLF? 

Tiger should fires someone's ass NOW. 

My proposal to save the TGL: 

1. Tiger immediately hires Paige Spiranac to join his team as a player.
2. Each team hires an Instagram golf influencer; Put Grace Charis on a team; Claire Hogle gets a spot; Bri Teresi is brought in.
3. Tiger immediately hires former Golf Channel personality Alexandra O'Laughlin to take Marty Smith's job. He should never report from the TGL ever again. NEVER.
4. Betting stacks of cash is IMMEDIATELY instituted. Real cash. Straps of cash. I want golfers carrying out a stack of cash and throwing it on the tee box. That's compelling TV.
5. Why aren't the fans holding GameDay signs? This is one of the biggest misses from an ESPN production.
6. These guys are too nice. Fans at home hate Wyndham Clark. It's time for ESPN to plant GameDay signs in the crowd. Develop a villain.

That's a start. 

Get it together, Tiger.